Coping with Loneliness

Have you been feeling sad, depressed, unaccepted, worthless and just very alone? Feeling alienated from your surroundings and the people around you? Are you feeling that there is no one around you to share your perceptions, experiences and emotions with? Are you feeling lonely?

Everyone experiences loneliness at sometime or the other. But loneliness does not necessarily mean being physically alone. You can feel lonely even in a crowd or a party. Loneliness is a state of mind and a painful awareness that you are not feeling connected to others and that important needs are not being met. If you are lonely, you feel the need for warmth, understanding and long to share your feelings and thoughts with others.

What happens when you drift into this phase of loneliness? You may become highly critical of yourself, overly sensitive or self-pitying, or critical of others. Your companions in loneliness may include:

    * A low self esteem .
    * A feeling that others are always evaluating you,
    * You avoid meeting new people or attending public events.
    * You tend to become very critical of your looks and even personality traits .
    * You blame yourself and others for your poor social relationships.
    * You falsely assume that nobody likes you.
    * You have difficulty in expressing your feelings
    * You are afraid to stand up for your rights and say "no" to unreasonable requests.
    * You may tend to see things out of proportion or overreact to situations.
    * You feel isolated, alone and very unhappy

So what do you do? You cannot carry on the rest of your life like this. Learning to deal with loneliness is one of the biggest challenges of life. Here's how you can cope with it:

    * Face it: Don't be afraid to acknowledge that you are lonely. The fact is that you can't do anything to alleviate the problem until you have first recognized what it is that's troubling you.
    * Accept it: It's important to know and realize that there are times and situations in everyone's life that produce feelings of loneliness, whether others are willing to admit it or not. A certain amount of loneliness is an inevitable part of life. Learn to deal with it rather than running away from it.
    * Manage it: Much of the distress and fear of loneliness will be diminished when you can identify what causes the problem and then attempt to modify the conditions that produce your lonely feelings.
    * Use it: Turn your loneliness into an advantage by learning to handle it, thus enhancing your self-reliance - your most important asset as a person alone. Use it as an opportunity to know yourself better, to gauge your thoughts, feelings and perceptions. Look upon lonely times as opportunities for personal growth rather than as dreadful periods to be suffered through.
    * Indulge in meaningful activities: In solitude, some people rattle around nervously, needing someone upon whom to focus their attention. Instead use this period as an opportunity to indulge in your hobbies and special activities.
    * Take action: Take initiative and make the first move, rather than waiting for someone to rescue you. Start making the first step in greeting people. Smile and say 'Hello'. Besides this, you need to work on your interpersonal and social skills and learn to be more assertive.
    * Do some volunteer work: Helping others will boost your self-esteem and create new opportunities to meet people with similar interests.
    * Get involved: Take some adult education courses that are based on personal growth. For example, you can do study self-esteem development, forgiveness, how to be more assertive, how to interact and how to become a positive thinker.
    * Enjoy developing yourself: Think of yourself as a total person. Don't neglect the needs of others just because your companionship or friendship needs are not being met.

Follow these tips to combat your loneliness and use it constructively. This stage is temporary and will lessen or disappear once you focus your attention and energy on something positive. Remember that it is all in your hands and you can do it.